Why I hate Group Chats, and You Might Too

Okay hate is a strong word but it’s the truth and I own it, I hate group chats. Let me be more specific, 10 persons+ group chats and the Apple to Android / Samsung combo is even worse (Apple developers should really work on exiting group chats with non-users). To preface, this dislike for group chats started during the AOL Instant Messenger days, my fingers only typed so fast. However, I have exceptions to them and first is immediate family, I’ll suck it up and like my dads GIF if it makes his day. Similarly, I’ll pass along pictures of the grandchildren and ask about my nieces and nephews etc. The main reason for the dislike is simple: there is no real communication happening. The majority of group chats are all fluff, top level water-cooler conversations that usually include general pleasantries, pictures, and GIFs. I’ve always disliked small talk just to fill up space. Granted, I do have several chats going, but they typically are 4 people max and I’m big on the “Reply” to a specific person within said chat. There have been countless messages I have missed because of the alternate chat created as a result from the larger group, it’s an exhausting cycle.

Since my degree is in Communications, one of the biggest take-aways during my studies was not the medium or the what people use communicate, rather the why. In a work setting it’s no different, please spare me the 30 e-mail deep chain, pick up the phone and call me directly, unless it’s something you need in writing. Some of the best advice I received from a colleague in the Communications department is just that: remember the “why,” something is being written and circulated. Group chats are no different and my frustration is mainly because there is no real “why,” to them. Too many times the originator poses a question to the group which will typically warrant no response, unless you specifically say “John or Maria," it’s all white noise. When I’m at work or focused, my phone is the last thing I’m worried about and usually on DND. It gives me major anxiety to glance down and see 45+ messages and in speaking with friends, I know I’m not alone here.

How to navigate this going forward, referring to my 12-person chat, I spoke up and kindly asked for them to redo the group, without me in it. Sure, I got some snarky remarks but I’m okay with the exclusion since there was nothing of substance being communicated. It was a reaffirmation of my boundary and a simple ask. So if you dislike large group chats, know you’re not alone. Bottom line, there is no real communication happening, they’re overwhelming to keep up with, and can cause anxiety for some. If it’s not possible to exit the group ask folks within the chat to message you separately 1x1 if it’s pressing, or mute and disable notifications. And lastly if you’re the originator of 10 persons+ group chats, please ask yourself several times, is this really necessary?

*Gabriella has left the chat*